Miscarriage and Pregnancy loss- What to expect and how to best recover
When experiencing the shock of a pregnancy loss, there can be an enormous range of physical and emotional symptoms. The first thing I would like you to know is that you are not alone and that many have shared in this experience. While you may feel like you are lost, scared and lonely, for the most part, miscarriages are normal physiological experiences. The body is wise and will pass on pregnancies that are not healthy or compatible with life. While that can in some part comfort us, it also does not in any way discredit the grief that we may feel.
Experiencing a miscarriage can be a heartbreaking, physically demanding and emotionally challenging experience. In this guide, we will provide you with a step-by-step approach on how to cope with a miscarriage and shed light on what to expect during this difficult time.
Part 1: What to Expect During and After a Miscarriage
Physical experience: Miscarriages can vary in terms of duration, intensity, and symptoms. You will likely experience vaginal bleeding, cramping, and the passing of tissue. This can vary in intensity and length of time. Generally speaking, cramping and slight bleeding mark the beginning of the symptoms that will gradually grow in intensity, with the peak of intensity being a series of contraction waves lasting about 4 hours, ending with the birth of clots or a mass of blood and tissue. This is the birth of the embryonic cells. Some people choose to have this tissue tested for genetic issues. Others might create something ceremonial with the tissue such as burial whether in the ocean or the earth. Freezing it and saving it for when you are ready to do something with it can be helpful too. It can be overwhelming in the moment to have clarity on the best way to deal with the tissue that your body is releasing. As the waves of feelings turn to low tide in your psyche, having some space will often bring clarity as to the best way to handle the tissues for you to get complete. After the majority of clots and tissues pass, you can expect bleeding for several days that is more like a normal period. It is recommended not to use a tampon or menstrual cup at this time as its important to let the natural shedding process occur.
Have someone you can reach out to that can support you on this journey, even if its’s just by phone. Having your partner with you can deepen the bond between you to and shed light on the kind of support you will both need and be able to provide during challenging moments of time as your relationship becomes seasoned. Having a friend with you can also be so special. It is important that whomever you choose into the sanctum of your journey that they be able to hold you in your vulnerability and be there to hold space and care for you during the process and shortly after. Emotional rollercoaster: Understand that grief is an individual journey, and it's normal to experience a wide range of emotions. You may feel sadness, guilt, blame, anger, or numbness. These emotions may come and go unexpectedly, and it's crucial to give yourself time and space to process them. Witness the thoughts or fears that come through you, letting them come and go and pass along likes waves themselves.
Nurture your physical and emotional well-being: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally to support your healing process. Focus on nourishing foods, restful sleep, yoni steams, and gentle exercise in the days or weeks following, if your instinct guides you to move or if approved by your healthcare provider. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, such as reading, gentle hikes and spending time in nature, or engaging in creative outlets like art or writing.
Cultivate a support network: Surround yourself with loved ones who can provide understanding, empathy, and support. While they may not fully comprehend your experience, their presence and willingness to listen can be comforting. Let them know how they can support you, whether it's through a shoulder to lean on, assistance with practical tasks, or simply being there to listen.
Tools for healing:
Explore various coping strategies that resonate with you. Journaling can help you express and process your emotions.
Meditation and mindfulness practices can provide moments of calm and inner peace.
Seeing an acupuncturist can also support the healing process.
Engaging in activities you enjoy, such as exercise, painting, or listening to music, can provide a welcome distraction and promote healing.
Consider seeking solace in online support communities where you can connect with others who have experienced miscarriages and find understanding and empathy in their shared experiences.
Part 2: How to Cope with a Miscarriage
Allow yourself to grieve: Give yourself permission to experience the range of emotions that accompany a miscarriage. It's natural to feel sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Take the time you need to mourn your loss and remember that healing is a gradual process. You may want to blame yourself or look for the “Reason” as to what went wrong. If this is your first miscarriage, the shock and fear as to what will come next may feel overwhelming. I would recommend speaking with a midwife, doula or trusted friend to be a guidepost for you in the event that having support from someone familiar with the experience creates a sense of safety for you. Also, there are wonderful death doulas and other full spectrum providers that can stand by in person or virtually to be a sounding board for what is normal bleeding and when it may be time to seek medical care.
Seek support afterwards: Reach out to your partner, family, close friends, and spiritual counselors for emotional support. Share your feelings and thoughts with them. You can also consider joining a support group or seeking professional help from a therapist specializing in grief and loss. If this isn’t your first miscarriage, it might be valuable for you to work with a provider who can help you get some clarity as to what your body is trying to communicate. While the majority of miscarriage is linked to cellular abnormality, sometimes there are outstanding health issues that interfere with carrying a healthy pregnancy to term and it would be of value for you to get some preconception support before trying to conceive again. The work and time you put in before conceiving can also make an impact on the enjoyment of the prenatal experience and cut down on the adverse symptoms of pregnancy.
Consider taking some time off work. Asking your partner to do the same allows the both of you time to process together and alone time to do some of the deeper inner work. You may each have different timelines in your grief process and will have unique needs at each stage. By passing the emotions and not making time to heal does not improve our ability to conceive later and often compounds the unprocessed fear we may bring into the next experience.
Take care of yourself physically: Focus on self-care activities that help you heal physically and emotionally. Ensure you're eating a balanced diet, getting enough rest, and engaging in gentle exercise if you feel up to it and your health care provider approves. Taking care of your physical well-being can positively impact your emotional well-being as well. See the list below of beneficial foods and practices to best support healing.
We recommend a diet high in quality fats like Ghee, grass fed butter, pasture raised eggs, raw dairy, wild salmon, and avocados. Also, eating soups and meat stocks can be very nourishing at this time. Avoiding raw salads and vegetables while emphasizing the foods that are easiest to digest allows for your body to focus its energy on healing. Kichari, slow cooked meals and quality meats can replenish lost nutrients. Avoiding fast or cold foods like smoothies and ice cream supports blood flow and warming of our system.
Drinking teas are an important part in supporting the body on its path to stasis and recovery. Herbs that are tonifying while building blood are important during this period of healing. Those include yarrow, motherwort, red raspberry leaf, shatavari, goji berry, nettle leaf, and dandelion root. Also, the herbs found in chai tea with a base of rooibos instead of black tea, brewed and the blended with honey and ghee can be incredibly soothing and nourishing. Meat stock is incredibly replenishing as well.
Wearing socks and cozy clothes keeps your energy internal and is most beneficial. We even recommend warm oil massage using gently warmed sesame oil. Applying this all over the body several times through the day can bring a sense of soothing to the nervous system and softens the hormonal cascades within the changing landscape of your body.
Use a hot water bottle over the uterus if you have one. If not, a heating pad will do. This can be very soothing and relaxing, while the heat brings blood flow to the uterus.
Sleep is extremely important during this time. It is amazing how much better we can feel after we have nourished ourselves and given our body the time it needs to relax and recover.
How will I know it’s safe to continue at home or if I need to go to the hospital?
For the majority of women, miscarriages can occur at home with little medical intervention required. Often this is the safest place for women as it allows the process to be fully experienced and for the least amount of intervention. A miscarriage is not a medical event but a normal physiological event. However, for some women, the stress of the unknown; what the level of discomfort will be, how long it will take, the sight or presence of blood, or a history of blood clotting, severe anemia or previous miscarriage or loss, going to seek medical care may be the best option. As a rule of thumb, the cues that seeking medical support are necessary are:
Excessive bleeding accompanied with nausea and vomiting
Lightheadedness and dizziness
Fainting or passing out
Have your partner assess you: if you are pale and your pulse is fast (over 100 beats per minute) and you are continuing to lose blood, you may need a DNC and or blood transfusion. While these procedures are sometimes challenging to accept, they will often assist a delayed complete miscarriage and support you on the path towards recovery.
Part 3. When can I start to try again?
For many people, after getting pregnant the big question is when can I start TTC (trying to conceive) again? In my practice, we recommend waiting 3 menstrual cycles for several reasons. For starters, while we may feel an urgency to conceive again, our body needs time to recover its lost nutrients and to balance the hormones and properly shed the lining of the uterus. While a loss can be devastating, it can help put us on the path of deeply restoring vital qi and minerals, paving the way for a healthier and easier pregnancy after we have spent time preparing our vessel for the metabolic demands of a pregnancy. Both partners play a role in creating a healthy environment for conception and optimizing the genetic soup and conception vessel can only mean rolling out the red carpet for the next pregnancy.
In our practice, we customize our fertility programs for our clients based on several key principles: gut repair and biome restoration, stress reduction and heart centering practices, relationship strengthening and optimization of the fertile field through hormone balancing and nutrition programs. While it may be possible to conceive in the next cycle after a loss, conceiving immediately after a miscarriage is difficult on the body and does not tend to an individual’s underlying health issues or physical depletion, all of which can impact the epigenetic expression and the physical and emotional ease of a future pregnancy.
If you are interested to know more about our virtual preconception programs, please reach out to me for a consult. Pregnancy preparation is one of my favorite things to do with clients as I know the importance of preparing our bodies for the most vital expression of health possible.